preparing

It’s been quite a busy few weeks. I’ve been fully in the throes of nesting, and it’s been a whirlwind of projects in and around the house.

We’ve been outside a lot as the rain clears and the temperatures linger in the low 60s. This is one of the only times I truly appreciate living in a warmer climate. It’s been wonderful being outside and working in the garden. I know when the temperatures climb to 100+ degrees in the summer I’ll be struggling once more, but for now, I’m enjoying the golden sunshine and crisp wind and moody skies.

Last week I did some pretty intense work in our garden as the weather warmed up. I planted jasmine, apple trees, broccoli, tomatoes, beans, and marigolds, and reorganized furniture, cleaned the front porch, and mowed our wild lawn. It felt good to be working in the crisp February air, even though I was pretty sore for a few days afterwards.

Michael had a lot of fun hanging out with my dad while I got tips and pointers on how to work some of the power tools I borrowed.

Then, Jake and my dad spent a weekend tiling our main bathroom. I was so grateful they finished it before baby girl arrived — despite the rain that made cutting tile outside a bit more difficult! It was a project we’d hoped to complete before moving in, but never actually did. Now, aside from painting touchups, the bathroom is complete.

Michael also had a blast “helping” my dad with the grouting process.

This past weekend Jake leveled out the northern section of our garden (with some help from Michael). We’ll put down some native grass seed so we have a place to sit and walk barefoot while keeping an eye on our growing veggies.

Maybe it’s because we’re drawing so close to having our second baby join us, but Michael seems to have grown up in leaps the past few weeks. He got a haircut, and we stopped to have a coffee date afterwards. He looks so much bigger and older. It makes my heart ache in a bittersweet way.

He’s such a sweet, spirited boy. He talks constantly, narrating what he’s doing or what’s going on around us. Being outside, as always, is his ultimate favorite thing. He sings quite a lot, and loves his harmonica (which I conveniently hide from time to time). He always wants to help, with whatever we’re doing: so often we load the dishwasher or sweep or make the bed together. His excitement for things I take for granted never fails to humble me.

I’m nearly 38 weeks pregnant now, and I’m feeling a slow shift in my body and mind as we draw closer to the end. Nesting has moved from cleaning and house and garden projects to more internal work: mainly handicrafts and quiet time — as much as can be expected with a toddler — and as many naps as I can manage.

We’ve been spending afternoons coloring together, or making cookies, or walking around the garden. He’s developed a new love of daffodils after all mine burst into bloom, and asks me to draw them whenever we have the crayons out. I do my best.

As for handicrafts, I finally finished the crewel work project I’ve been working on for over a year. I love the way it turned out: embroidery projects aren’t my main passion, but I do love having one to pull out when the fancy strikes. I started another: my grandmother got me an embroidery kit for my birthday from Avlea Embroidery. It’s my first time doing counted thread work, which is harder than I expected. I’m still enjoying the process and look forward to having a beautiful table linen when it’s finished.

I also completed a knitting project: a purple kitty for a dear little girl at our church.

I feel like many of my current projects are a race against the clock: how much can I finish before birth? Do I have a day to finish this sewing project, or a few weeks? There’s no way to tell. I feel suspended in a strange, liminal state: all plans have the shadow of the unknown over them. It’s beginning to feel “real” (especially when you start getting groceries that expire after your due date).

My due date is only a few days before the beginning of Lent, so God willing, I will be rejoining the church services right before Pascha (or a little before). I will miss the communal aspect of Lent where all of us undertake the sober task of focusing on prayer, fasting, and almsgiving.

As we on the Julian calendar approach Lent, I’m reminded that this will be a strange Lenten season for me: the Church sets aside 40 days of healing for mothers postpartum where they are excused from all services. These 40 days aren’t mandatory, but strongly encouraged. In a culture that idolizes the “bounce back” of mothers’ bodies and minds, I appreciate this tradition that prioritizes healing and recognizes the sacredness of labor, delivery, and postpartum.

But even in this time set aside for rest and healing, I will be undertaking the Lenten journey. My fasting will look different: prioritizing my nourishment and rest as I heal from labor and delivery. My almsgiving will look different: giving continually from myself as I sustain a baby with my body. My prayer will look different: instead of attending church services, I’ll be attending to a newborn at all hours as well as my toddler.

Pray for me, dear friends, as I watch and wait over the next few weeks, and as we enter into this new season: liturgically, and also in life.

hallowed time

Well, somehow, I’m 36 weeks pregnant.

It doesn’t quite feel real. I’ve been struggling to keep my head above water with Jake being in busy season, toddler parenting with all its milestones and meltdowns, regular homestead chores, and the aches and pains of third trimester. So nothing is prepared: I’m hoping the nesting instinct will kick in soon so I have the energy to gather all the needed supplies. If you have any recommendations for preparation for a second child — what worked or what didn’t for your family — I’d love to hear them.

Even though I’m partially in denial over the imminent arrival of our little girl, I still am painfully aware that my days of constant one-on-one time with Michael are drawing to a close. I try to cherish the sweet moments: quilting together, making cookies, snuggling and watching Little Bear; reading truck books over and over.

Treasures from his walk with grandpa

I love our little ritual of morning prayer, and how excited he gets to hold his little wooden cross, extinguish the candles, and kiss the icons. I love our adventures to Costco to look at forklifts, and our morning snuggles in bed. I know many of these things will stay the same, and many will change. I still hold on to each of these little moments, and they help hold me through the more difficult moments.

Recently, Michael had a pretty intense meltdown when he couldn’t have one of the toy trucks at the thrift store. The thing is, Michael still struggles with pronouncing his “t”s, and often replaces them with “f”s instead. So to all the scandalized old ladies at the thrift store with me, it appeared as though I was hauling a screaming toddler out of the store as he yelled “F*CK” at the top of his lungs.

That was an interesting day. Also, a great lesson in humility and not caring about the opinions of others. Parenthood sure is sanctifying.

As a brief aside, I will not make a habit of writing about my children’s struggles: there are many things that I believe shouldn’t be used as content, even in a simple blog about a homesteading family. But this story is a little different — I think it’s one he’d want preserved so we could laugh at it when he’s older. So I’m comfortable sharing it with all of you, too.

Together, Michael and I finished his quilt at last! He loves it — he’s slept with it once and drags it around the house to “hide” under. I’m pretty proud of it, even though the back looks a bit wonky. Now I’m working on hand-quilting my Irish Chain quilt. It’s very slow going — I’ll be surprised if I finish it before next winter — but I’m greatly enjoying the process.

Knowing my time for making will be very limited in the upcoming months, I’ve been intentionally prioritizing spinning, quilting, and sewing over knitting in the evenings . I can knit with a newborn in my arms — it’s a bit harder to do any other craft. I finished my 3-ply spin of this Rambouillet, Knee High to a Grasshopper, dyed by Nest Fiber. It’s hard to capture the color properly because it looks so different in different light. It turned out beautifully: a DK weight, about 120 grams of yarn in all. With the remnants of singles I had left over, I made this tiny 2 ply skein for fun.

Now I’m spinning a simple 2-ply from some fiber I’ve been saving: Quiet Contrast, 100% Polwarth dyed by Three Waters Farms. I love the colors so much. I’m hoping it’ll be a nice fingering/sock weight.

My birthday was earlier this month and my husband got me the most spectacular present: a Lord of the Rings keyboard, fashioned after the style of Rohan. It’s the best keyboard I’ve ever had, and I adore it.

Not only is it beautiful, but it’s an excellent keyboard. As a writer, I’m a bit particular when it comes to my tools: I have a favorite type of pen (nothing beats the Pilot G-2 0.38), and the way a keyboard types can make a big difference in my enjoyment of the writing experience. Usually, I write my blog posts on my phone and jot down snippets and story ideas in my Notes app. But now with such a beautiful keyboard, I’ve started writing at my desk again. It’s helped me set aside time to write, like I set aside time to craft.

This concept of setting aside time by prioritizing and marking something as special or precious has been on my mind a lot this month. It reminds me of the church calendar. Each day has some way it’s set aside, whether to commemorate a saint, or an event in the life of our Lord.

Recently, we celebrated the feast day of St. Melangell (pronounced Mel-LAN-geth). St Melangell is one of the saints very dear to us. This Western Orthodox parish claims her as their patron and has such a lovely retelling of her story, if you want to know more about her. Animals fled to her for refuge (specifically rabbits/hares), and a king was so touched by her dedication and piety he gave her land to live on, which eventually became a monastic community. She is known for making a sanctuary for animals and people, which is why she is so important to our family: our hope for our little homestead is for it to be a sanctuary to all who come.

It would’ve been easier to just “remember” her on her feast day, but we wanted to set aside this time in a more intentional way. She’s a Welsh saint, so we made Welsh cakes to celebrate. Michael loved the entire process, and was most excited to roll out (and eat) the biscuit dough.

It was a lovely (and delicious!) way to set aside time to remember this holy woman and all the ways we wish to emulate her.

Holy also means “set apart”. To make something holy is to set it apart from the mundane, to offer it up. This is one of the reasons I love integrating the church calendar into daily life, not just Sundays. When we orient meals, activities, and conversations around saints and events in the life of Christ, we are setting apart our days — we are hallowing our time.

But we all have work we must do: much of which might feel like a distraction from prayer. Jobs and obligations might not allow for baking Welsh cakes. A toddler meltdown might destroy our vision for a fun activity. Illness, physical or mental, might interfere with the best of plans and intentions. And there are always things that demand to be done: meetings to attend, meals to cook, poopy diapers to change, tests to study for, emails to write, messes to clean, job obligations to complete; meltdowns to diffuse.

But we still have the ability to make our time holy, in spite of all these things. We can still integrate the life of the church into our daily lives. It brings me back to the simple phrase of Saint Benedict: ora et labora, pray and work.

Even if we don’t have the ability to do something elaborate to integrate a specific feast day into our lives, we can still use prayer to sanctify the work we are doing. A simple Lord have mercy before a meeting with a difficult coworker, or on a tiring commute. Meeting a tired child where they’re at by relinquishing our desire for picture-perfect activities. Talking about an important event in the life of Christ during bath time or dinner time. Using lunch break for a quick akathist or rosary. Doing the dishes because you love the people who will use them next (shamelessly paraphrasing St Teresa of Calcutta).

More and more often, I’m convicted by this: both what we make time for and what we make of our time, in the end, is what shapes and defines us. It’s so easy for me to tune out on my phone or rush through whatever work I have in front of me without thinking that this moment, too, could be sanctified with intention and thought. But I am increasingly aware of how finite our time is as I near my due date, as I watch my little boy grow, as I tend to my garden; as I say goodbye to loved ones.

May the Lord help me use what I’ve been given well.