It feels like every day in January dragged its feet, drawing the month out longer and longer. It’s felt eternal: partially due to the things happening in the world around us, partially due to the illness that keeps cycling through our house. Currently, Beatrice is fighting something suspiciously close to croup, and I’m trying to get rid of an eternal sore throat/cough that has kept coming back since late November. Praying February finds us all in better health.

But in spite of the illnesses and different stresses of life, there have been many joyful moments and much to be grateful for. Michael turned 3 years old this month, and I can’t believe how grown up he is already. He’s a blazing comet of light and joy in our lives. He loves helping me bake (and sneaking nibbles at every chance) and insisted on helping bake his birthday cake. I decorated it when he was distracted by Blue’s Clues, so he was happily surprised at dinner.

I was pretty sick on his actual birthday so we didn’t have a party, but I still wanted to make his birthday cake special. I’m no baker, but I managed to make something I thought was pretty fun thanks to a few ideas on Pinterest. He absolutely loved it.

Beatrice is nearly ready to transition from crib to floor bed, so we rearranged Michael’s room in preparation for her to move in. It’s wonderfully spacious and airy. He loves sleeping on the top bunk and calls it his “double decker bus bed”. We have a few more projects we want to do in his room, but for now it’s a delightful and whimsical haven for him and Bea to play in.

Beatrice is ten months old and has grown quite proficient in blowing spit bubbles. She still shows disdain for walking and prefers to crawl everywhere with incredible speeds. Currently because of her illness she has no voice, so her pterodactyl screech has become the sound of whistling air as she bounces up and down. But even being sick hasn’t dampened her joyful personality.

Michael has been taking a lot of walks with my parents while I take care of Bea and nap while she naps. He’s been pretty stir crazy so I’m grateful he gets the chance to let out some of that energy. Plus, the pictures my mom sends me are beautiful.

The “whys” have ramped up with a vengeance with Michael. He wants to know how everything works and the reasoning behind every decision and statement. Honestly, I thought this stage would annoy me, but I actually find it precious. We’ve had some surprising and fun conversations about everything from mice and God to gardening and babies because of his “whys”.

He also has a new game where he points and shouts “frozen!” at Jake or I and we pretend to freeze in place while he giggles uproariously. He tried to do it to his sister when she knocked over his block tower and was very upset when it didn’t work.

I’m currently in a spinning, knitting, and writing frame of mind. I knit while I’m with both of the kids during the day — it’s something easy I can do on the go that keeps my hands busy and my phone in my pocket (honestly, handicrafts have been the best in helping me keep my screen-time low). I have two shawls on the needles and a pair of mittens for Michael I just finished.

When Beatrice takes her naps, I set up a fun activity for Michael and write beside him while he plays. I’ve made some progress on two short stories and I’m hoping to finish them soon. I’ve really been enjoying writing with my LAMY Safari fountain pen — beautiful tools can transform even the most mundane tasks like making to-do lists.

Jake is fully in busy season so our evenings and weekends look a little different right now. He goes to work early and comes in for dinner, bath, and bedtime routines with the kids, then works again til late at night. So instead of us reading or watching our shows or playing cards together, I’ve been spinning while listening to audiobooks or podcasts while he works in his office or at the table.

I’m listening to both The Name of the Wind and The Eye of the World on audiobook (I find epic fantasy easier to listen to rather than read, for some reason). The podcasts I’m enjoying right now are all on YouTube: Brandon Sanderson’s SFF writing lectures he’s posting from his university classes, Andrea Mowry’s knitting podcast, and Kate at The Last Homely House’s quilting podcast.

I won’t lie, this extended time of illness has been a challenge. Life is heavy, not just for us but for everyone around us it seems. I’ve been doubling down on my simple practice of gratitude — looking for the glimmers of light when the shadows seem too great. I’m grateful for so much: friends who reach out and check in when we’re homebound, beautiful weather, good books, music, and art, toddler and baby giggles, wholesome tv shows that keep my toddler entertained while I’m sick or sleep deprived, Instant Pot dinner recipes, and the few moments of quiet Jake and I get in the evenings once the kids are asleep.

If you’re also finding the shadows to be overwhelming at times, know you’re not alone. But don’t forget that there are glimmers in the gloom, if we know where to look.