Well, December knocked us down and ran us over. Illness waxed and waned, cycling through us in pairs, and still lingers in raspy coughs and runny noses. I got a chest infection, and somehow a stress fracture in my foot, which makes walking difficult and is still healing. Jake managed to escape unscathed until the New Year, and then he too fell victim to whatever this illness is. We covet your prayers, friends. It’s been a doozy of a month.

So I’m breaking up my complaining with some pictures of adorable kids.

Though December was much more low-key than any of us expected, it still had its bright spots. We got a lovely little Christmas tree and the kids greatly enjoyed decorating it. The whole house was fragrant with the scent of pine, and that brought me straight back to some of my favorite childhood memories.

We also made a little gingerbread house, thanks to a kit from Trader Joe’s. We probably only ate 10% of it before it went stale and got tossed out, but the kids still ask to decorate more gingerbread houses with candy, so I think it was a success and a lovely tradition for them.

Uncle James came to visit, much to the kids’ delight. We had a lot of fun playing with him, and thankfully he left unscathed right before all of us got knocked down with illness.

One of my dearest childhood friends also flew in to spend Christmas with us, which was a big bright spot in the fog of sickness and sleep deprivation. We were too exhausted and/or sick to “do” things — but we lived life together. Cooked meals, read books, tended children, laughed at comedy shows, rested, chatted. Existed in the same space. And it was lovely. I am so grateful for friends that show up in the midst of the chaos without expectation, accepting my weaknesses and understanding my limitations in this season of life — grateful beyond words.

Our annual carol sing party was the Sunday before Christmas (and right before I fell victim to my chest infection) so I was able to help with the decorations. It was a beautiful event. My brother played the piano, and friends and family all gathered to sing carols old and new.

Our former piano teacher even stepped in to play a gorgeous rendition of Go Tell it On the Mountain. The kids had a blast eating way too many cookies and running up and down the halls singing. We’ve hosted a carol sing almost every year over the last decade, and it’s another bright spot in the darkness of winter that we look forward to every year.

We had a fun little power outage a few days before Christmas (NB: it was Not Fun, especially given we have no water without power, and I maaaay have had a mini mental breakdown). Thankfully, the calm glow of the candles and the help of my husband and friend both made navigating the outage doable, and we were lucky enough to have the power come back on just in time for the kids’ bedtime.

But I did get some pretty pics, which are quite literally bright spots in the darkness.

Christmas Eve was quiet with our immediate family. Michael got a Yoto player from my parents, which has quickly become invaluable for quiet time and resetting after meltdowns/tantrums. Beatrice got dress up shoes which she promptly refused to take off, and still wears at every opportunity.

Christmas Day was also quiet — some of us were able to make it to Liturgy, and then we went to my grandparents’ for presents and brunch before meeting for Christmas dinner. Unfortunately, I was pretty sick at that point, so I stayed home and rested with soup. We did manage to get an acceptable family photo, though!

Most of my making projects stalled due to illness, but I made a pair of mittens for my baby goddaughter, and I finished Jake’s handspun hat just in time for Christmas.

After Christmas, Jake’s brother and his family were in town for a wedding, so we got to spend a few special days with them! Michael was so excited to see his cousins — they chat back and forth on the Marco Polo app often, but being able to play with them in person was potentially the highlight of his year. Even though their 3 year old personalities clashed at times (sharing is hard), he still keeps asking me when they’ll come back to play and setting aside toys for them to play with when they come back.

We had a lovely time, even though most of our conversations were smooshed in between mediating disagreements between children and making sure none of them loved each other to death.

So, we’re kind of limping into 2026 (for me, quite literally). But looking back, 2025 was soft and sweet. There were moments of exhilaration and joy: Bea’s first birthday, my local writing career launching, Pascha with our new church community. Our 6th wedding anniversary. An unexpected trip to New Orleans. Beginning a workout routine as a couple. Michael learning to ride a bike. I met my goal of reading 55 books.

There were moments of stress and anxiety, though they pale compared to the joys: Jake losing his job unexpectedly, and navigating painfully difficult job searches and the unknown. Learning to juggle being a SAHM full-time while also writing part-time without burning out (took some try/fail cycles to figure out). Being too sick to go to the gym for most of November/December. Some very difficult parenting moments.

But all in all, it was a good year for us in our little corner of the world. All of us grew, all of us learned, all of us (hopefully) became better, holier people, though I know I still have such a long way to go.

I have many resolutions for 2026: read 60 books, journal more, spend more time outdoors, be a gentler parent…but mostly I’m entering the year with the lessons the last year taught me: surrender and flexibility. They’re lessons I’ll be learning all my life, I’m sure (especially pertinent reminder for me, as I sit here at home trying to rest my foot instead of at Theophany liturgy). And if there’s any ongoing theme I’ve seen throughout my life the past few years, it’s that the bright spots become brighter once we start to look for them.

So cheers to 2025, with all its darkness and light. And cheers to the upcoming year: I’ll be looking for its bright spots.

Goodness, we’ve had a busy time these last few weeks. Starting the week before Thanksgiving, every room on our property ended up being full with a total of 13 people from out of town staying with us.

The kids were delighted to see so many of their aunts and uncles (both honorary and those by blood). They were surrounded by so many people who love them and cherish them, and it made my heart full to see it.

Aunt Boo flew in Saturday and the kids got to pick her up at the airport with Jake while I prepped the house for guests. Uncle James came in Sunday night and played cello for the kids, leading Michael to decide he wants cello lessons when he’s older. I’m still trying to convince him to try piano first.

Oma and Opa came Monday, and many books were read, games played, walks taken, and snuggles had. It was a very fun time for all.

We decorated my grandparents’ house for Thanksgiving Day — lots of greenery and autumnal colors. Even though Thanksgiving is a large affair in our family, we haven’t really decorated for it much until this year. It was our biggest group yet, so we wanted to make it a beautiful affair.

We had 39 people around our tables! We were missing a few for the big group picture, but we got most of us by propping my phone on a chair with its self timer going. I made a mental note to prep a tripod for next year.

We had fun taking pictures and running around outside before and after the meal. It’s usually a tradition for us all to take loads of photos and dress up, but unfortunately the fog didn’t let any sunlight through, so photos were limited.

I was hoping we’d get a family picture that was relatively respectable for a Christmas card, but the kids weren’t having it. The below picture is the closest we got — it’s pretty adorable, though. It might still make it onto a Christmas card.

I didn’t get many pictures of the food, which was excellent thanks to teamwork and my dad’s foolproof turkey-cooking method, perfected by years of honing. And Michael had a blast taste testing the whipped cream for the multitude of pies: apple, pumpkin, walnut, custard, chocolate bourbon pecan, and more!

The day after Thanksgiving was beautifully chilly and low-key. We sat outside by the fire, played multiple games of cornhole, ate a lot of charcuterie and leftovers, and enjoyed each other’s company.

Then Jake had to quickly fly out for a work trip, leaving Sunday around the same time as many of our guests. The kids and I were quite sad to see him go, along with all the uncles and aunts they’d enjoyed all week.

We kept busy with crafts and activities, and getting some of our Christmas decorations up. We made popcorn and cranberry garlands together and it was quite a success.

We also got a mini Christmas tree and a few fun painting crafts, and made sheet hammocks to play in under the table, and had a play date with some dear friends. I’m very grateful for my little community and the encouragement and support of my friends and family. They made me feel much less alone as I navigated the ups and downs of this past week.

Although I missed my husband, I survived solo-parenting after Thanksgiving! I admit I had been dreading it, but no one died! There was minimal yelling and minimal tears! I got a relatively acceptable amount of sleep! And though I probably consumed more caffeine than was good for me, I am proud of how the week went, all things considered.

However, perhaps not surprisingly now that Jake is back and the weekend is almost here, I have a cold. So we are now taking a much-needed slow and quiet few days, recovering our introvert energy and leaning into the soft, hopeful joy of the Advent season.

To end, I’ll share one of my favorite folk/bluegrass bands, the Hillbilly Thomists — they recently released a gorgeous Christmas album. Here is their rendition of On Jordan’s Banks, which is one of my favorite Advent hymns. It’s keeping company as I write my blog posts and articles with a cup of tea to keep the chill away.

It’s the week before Thanksgiving, and it feels like a deep breath before plunging into a river. Next week brings guests galore, loved ones we haven’t seen in weeks or months, and honestly I’m so excited. Thanksgiving is usually a big affair at our house, and this year is no exception. But right now we’re in that period of calm before the storm, finishing the last minute travel coordinations and cooking plans and decoration ideas.

November has been quiet, mostly because we all fought off a few weeks of sickness, including Michael having strep throat and reacting to his antibiotics. It kept us homebound for a bit, but we kept busy. And just as we all returned to health, Michael dropped a huge box on my foot and severely bruised (maybe fractured?) one of my toes. It’s several impressive shades of purple and green, and it’s made walking difficult and definitely slowed me down. I feel like that’s the lesson November is trying to teach me: to slow down and take deep breaths.

A highlight of our “house arrest” was a painting project where I covered the kitchen table with paper and let them go wild. Lots of fun motor skill development and color theory experiments.

I cut out each of their favorite parts of the paper and put them in our new hallway frames. The orientation of Michael’s makes our hall look a bit like something from a horror film…but it’s still cute and he’s proud of it, so I’m keeping it until he makes something to replace it.

That project is the closest thing we’ve had to homeschooling this month, but I’m trying not to beat myself up about it too much. We’ve engaged in a lot of play, and while we were sick Michael discovered the joy of The Magic School Bus show and has been really excited to talk to people about digestion and intestines and the esophagus — so learning and growth have definitely been happening, even if not in quantifiable ways. I keep reminding myself it’s good to chill a bit.

We celebrated Jake’s birthday! On the actual day we visited our favorite local restaurant just the two of us (as we usually do), and the next night I made his favorite cake. I was surprised it turned out as well as it did, given all three layers stuck in their pans…frosting covers a plethora of mistakes.

My cousin came and visited from MN, and I hosted dinner for her and my other local family members. It was a great time, and the kids had a blast playing games and watching nostalgic VeggieTales.

I was honored to be invited to a reception hosted by the magazine I write for, celebrating the recent issues they’ve published. I’m so grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given over the past year to interview members of the local community and tell their stories. When I was in the darkest parts of postpartum depression, I thought I would never write again. Now, three years later, I’m an official writer for HERLIFE Magazine and I’m making consistent progress on a novel and several short stories. God is so good.

Beatrice and Michael have begun playing together more and more, and while I still have to separate sibling fights multiple times a day, it’s such a delight to watch them snuggle and play make-believe games. They both adore being outside and running through puddles, playing tag with each other, and dancing to music.

One positive thing about being homebound so much has been my making progress: I’ve done quite a lot of knitting and spinning over the past few weeks. I finished a pair of socks for Jake that I’ve been working on for an embarrassing amount of time…they were originally meant to be a Valentine’s Day gift. Then Father’s Day gift. They ended up being a belated birthday gift. I then immediately cast on a new pair of socks for me and rocketed through the first foot. I’m currently working on the ankle/calf and hoping I won’t lose steam before starting the second.

I also cast on a shawlette from the yarn I bought on our trip to New Orleans, using a really cute free pattern . In spinning news, I finished spinning up my first ply for a combo spin, and I’m currently working on my second ply. It’s been fun to spin the evenings while Jake and I watch our nerdy shows. We’re currently watching campaign 4 of Critical Role and keeping up with our favorite comedy shows on Dropout.

That’s about all we’ve been up to this month: lots of rest and recovery, lots of making things with our hands, lots of striving to live analog in a machine-obsessed world (and mostly failing). But I’m slowly making progress towards the life I aspire to live. Slowly learning to make time for the things that matter, and to slow down and take deep breaths even in the midst of curveballs, illness, tantrums, and busyness.

The new sitting place beside our gallery wall has become my favorite spot to wind down. It’s out of sight of the TV, near the record player. It’s surrounded by art I’ve curated and collected (or made myself) for years. I’ve been making a habit of sitting there with a cup of tea and my book or notebook or psalter, even if it’s only for a few minutes a day.

It’s a good place for deep breaths.

Once again, I didn’t get a second post written for October — but as I mulled over everything that’s happened over the last few weeks, I realized we’ve really been too busy for me to sit and blog. Between writing for HERLIFE Magazine, impromptu trips, Halloween, and visitors, October ended with quite a bang.

I was privileged to write the cover feature for HERLIFE’s November issue — a spotlight on the Stockton Symphony in anticipation of its 100th anniversary. You can read it here. It’s a piece I’m quite proud of, and a subject that’s dear to my heart.

Jake had a work trip in New Orleans, and I got to tag along! My parents watched the kids so I could have the longest child-free vacation I’d had in 4+ years, and I loved every moment of it. While Jake attended trainings and got to know his new coworkers, I worked on my novel and explored the French Quarter.

I visited a local yarn shop (of course) and several bookstores (of course). The best was probably Faulkner House Books: it’s built where William Faulkner wrote his first novel, his small apartment converted into floor-to-ceiling rows of bookshelves, kept and curated by a delightful woman with great literary taste.

I ate some amazing soul food, including beignets at Cafe Beignet (I ventured past Cafe Du Monde a few times, but the line deterred me). I had a Pimm’s Cup cocktail at Napoleon House, a restaurant built beneath the quarters Napoleon would’ve lived had he made it to the States, and several more delicious meals and cocktails.

The Pharmacy Museum was absolutely fascinating (I visited it for research for a potential novel concept), the antique stores were riveting, and the hotel we stayed at was breath-taking. I walked thousands upon thousands of steps. I slept through the night for the first time in a long time. And I wrote nearly 10,000 words in my novel, bringing me to 35k total. All in all, it was paradise for this introvert.

For me (and for Jake, too) the trip was such a wonderful breath of fresh air. We’ve returned more relaxed parents. Now we’re back to reality: unfortunately the kids caught colds while we were gone, and we also came down with something mild when we returned. We’re working on recovering and resting for the upcoming run of visitors and holidays over the next two months.

Halloween was a delightful romp: Michael asked to be Robin Hood (from the old animated Disney movie). I made the costume myself, including the Robin Hood hat, tunic, and leg wraps. The face paint was definitely out of my comfort zone, but he was thrilled to have whiskers and ran around the lawn shouting “I’M ROBIN HOOD!!”

Beatrice was the sister rabbit from the same movie — she wasn’t the biggest fan of those ears though. Jake and I didn’t fully commit to costuming, but we dressed in homage to Little John and Lady Cluck.

My best friend and her husband drove up to stay with us for the weekend, and it was one of the highlights of my year. It was a chill weekend — we hung out at home and played with the kids and talked and laughed and spent time together. We did get an afternoon without the kids (thanks mom and dad!) so we could go bowling — it was a grand time.

On the home front we had some fun furniture rearranging: we got a small tv to replace the one that dwarfed our living room, and we got a small curtain to cover it, too. We’re always trying to reduce our screen time, and the kids ask for it less when it’s out of sight. I also snagged an oak coffee table off of Facebook Marketplace.

Sadly, we had to bid goodbye to our piano. It was old enough that the strings were deteriorating and we were told it was no longer tunable. Thankfully we have two more pianos on our property, so when Michael or Beatrice begin lessons, they’ll still have access to a piano and so I can still play when the mood strikes me. We put our old loveseat in its place to expand our seating in our small living room, and while I miss the piano, I’m happy we can accommodate more guests now.

The cat loves it too.

Michael has had some hilarious quotes:

My mom: Michael, what happened with Bea?

Michael: I don’t know

My mom: Michael, why is she crying?

Michael: I pushed her down.

My mom: why did you push her down?

Michael: I’ve been stressed lately.

Michael, very gross and scratchy sounding: “I feel better now”

Me: *hands Michael orange juice*

Michael: Thank you, my dear!

Me: *locks the door so I can pee by myself*

Michael: *scours his room, finds puzzle piece that fits the lock, opens the door*

Me: MICHAEL AMADEUS JOHN —

Michael: I’m just clever!

Beatrice is also developing into quite a personality. Her new favorite book is Brown Bear, she knows exactly how to push her brother’s buttons, and she adores snuggling baby dolls. She will climb anything and everything, and is absolutely fearless when it comes to playgrounds. No hesitation on big slides or swings. She sings along to everything and sings to herself all the time — favorite songs include Happy Birthday, Oh Where Is My Hairbrush, and BINGO.

Also, we officially fully weaned right before our trip to NOLA. It was bittersweet, but I’m very ready to have my hormones even out and be able to focus on my physical health.

So as I said, October was quite eventful, and November is continuing at the same pace. But I love it. I’m so grateful for this little life of mine: my children, my husband, my parents, my friends. For the opportunity to write about my local community and share my words with the world. For the soft beauty of autumn and the way it gently lulls the world towards winter’s sleep.

And I’m grateful for you, the readers who keep coming back to hear about our lives interspersed with my rambling thoughts. Thank you for being here.

The fog comes

on little cat feet.

It sits looking

Over harbor and city

On silent haunches

And then moves on.

– Carl Sandburg

I didn’t quite reach my goal of posting twice a month last month, but I hope to make up for it in October. It’s my favorite month of the year: so beautifully golden and crisp, full of soup and bread and fall vegetables, and the best weather for going on walks or sitting and reading a good book. Now we keep the windows open all day, letting the breeze waft through the house and bless each room with the smell of drying leaves and petrichor.

I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers. — Anne Shirley

It’s been quite busy over here (but then again, when isn’t it?). Jacob started his job on the 22nd, and he’s very excited to be working at EverBlue. The kids and I have been readjusting to having him away all day. They miss him, but doing crafts, cooking, and homeschooling (and a more-than-healthy dose of screen time) has been making the transition easier for all of us. Thankfully he hasn’t had to travel quite yet — that will begin in late October — but hopefully the routines we’re building now will make his travel a little easier for us.

My parents left on their long-awaited trip to Scotland, and they’re having the time of their life. We’re maintaining the homestead as they’re away, taking care of the animals and gardens. We love receiving random pictures at odd times of beautiful ruins, rolling hills, and highland cows. We send back pictures of the grandkids in return.

I’m continuing to write for local magazines and my own projects, but both have slowed down given our routine shift. I’m trying to figure out how to write more at the end of the day when the kids are asleep, but the mental fatigue has been getting the better of me. I’m also fighting a slight cold and working to meet an impending deadline, so maybe I need to be easier on myself — but I still hope to find a good and steady writing schedule I can sustain.

September 29th was Michaelmas on the Western Calendar, a day steeped in beautiful traditions. We always celebrate our Michael on Michaelmas, as well as on the Eastern calendar’s feast of the Archangels. That’s one of the beautiful things about being both Western and Eastern Orthodox — Michael gets two name days!

We made a blackberry galette with lemon mascarpone — it was quite a hit. Folklore says that when St Michael threw the devil out of heaven the devil fell into a blackberry bush, which is why we eat blackberries on Michaelmas.

However, the real showstopper was the dragon bread. We had a blast mixing it and shaping it — though the final product left much to be desired. It definitely made us laugh, and it was very tasty.

Michael got the dragon’s head (with chocolate chip eyes!) and we sang many years to him. He was very excited, and very happy. We love our sweet boy.

We’ve had some funny quotes, too:

Jake: Beatrice…

Bea: *angry screeching*

Jake: Beatrice, I cannot put four shoes on your feet….

Bea: *more angry screeching*

Michael: I have ten brothers. They live in Hawaii. Or Scotland.

Michael: When the dinosaurs get back from heaven, they will be afraid of us. Even Bea!

(Don’t ask…we have no idea)

We’ve been doing other baking too, now that it isn’t miserable to have the oven on. September 22nd was “Hobbit Day”, otherwise known as Bilbo and Frodo Baggins birthday. Michael asked if we could make donuts to celebrate, so I broke out my donut pan and we baked pumpkin donuts with a brown sugar glaze. They were delicious and didn’t last more than 24 hours because everyone wanted seconds and thirds.

We recently obtained a record player, and my grandparents gave us a bunch of old vinyls they had. It’s been our new favorite ritual to put on a record after dinner and bath time and dance in our pjs to the Beatles or Fleetwood Mac or any number of classical composers like Beethoven and Bach. In the morning during breakfast, we’ve been switching between two favorites: an amazing recording of Peter and the Wolf narrated by David Bowie, and Peter Rabbit narrated by Meryl Streep. Jake and I have also been listening to vinyls while I write in the evenings, curled up in my chair typing while he reads.

I caught up on my Goodreads challenge of reading 55 books this year, and promptly fell behind again. I read Hemlock and Silver by T Kingfisher, Starling House by Alix Harrow, and Grave Flowers by Autumn Krause (all of which were quite excellent). I’m currently reading a phenomenal book called Against the Machine, by Paul Kingsnorth. It’s an excellent critique of and response to modernity.

I’ve been in a knitting slump too, but managed to pick back up a languishing sweater WIP and also cast on a shawl with some handspun gifted to me by a dear friend. As I told Jake, I need a Time Machine so I can keep up with all the crafts and reading and writing I want to do!

So that’s what’s been going on in our little corner of the world. It’s wild and wonderful. We have our share of meltdowns and tears, bad parenting decisions and sibling fights. But even in the patches of overwhelm and fatigue, there’s joy. So much joy.

Happy October. May joy find you, too, in this beautiful season.

It has been the most lovely September. For the first time in a handful of years, we’ve had actual fall weather this month! No hellish 100+ days. I’m so grateful. I don’t care if loving autumn makes me “basic” — I unashamedly I adore the weather, the seasonal foods, the temperatures, the traditions — all of it.

In exciting job news: Jake has officially accepted a position with EverBlue Partners — a company that focuses on SAP implementation for retail clients. His first day will be on September 22nd. He’s very excited — he loves the company and its culture, and it truly is an answer to so many prayers.

I’ve still been doing a lot of writing, taking advantage of the time we have until Jake begins his new job. The picture above is the September issue of HERLIFE Magazine, taken at my favorite local coffee shop House of Coffees (where I drafted most of my work!). I contributed five articles to this one, including a community spotlight. You can read it here — I loved interviewing these people, and it was an honor to tell their stories.

Michael and Beatrice continue to be the lights of our lives. They’re hilarious, spunky, kind hearted, silly, intelligent, and curious — and we love them so much.

Michael has had some pretty fun quotes recently:

One morning, after Bea had been awake and screaming since 4 am, Michael popped up in our bedroom and said in a serious voice: “I’m afraid it’s morning time.”

Jake: “Finish your water and we will get you more orange juice.”

Michael: “It’s a deal!” 

Michael: “Mom, can you get me a French horn from the instrument store?”

Michael: “I have a surprise for you! When we’re done eating our oatmeal, we’re going to go to the park! You, me, and Bea”

Michael’s new obsession is VeggieTales. He goes around singing Silly Songs at the top of his lungs. Current favorite is “God is Bigger than the Boogyman”.

Beatrice is continuing to grow in leaps and bounds. She is talking a lot more, and loves running in circles with her brother around the kitchen island . She adores PeekABoo (“BEEBOOO!”) and reading any Sandra Boynton book, though “Moo Baa LaLaLa” is a favorite, just like her brother at her age. She’s fully eschewed all naps and has continued to fight all attempts at night weaning (though day weaning was successful about a month ago).

She’s also a picky eater — but not about the food/drink themselves. She will happily eat sushi/dried seaweed with me, spicy foods, and more. However, she refuses to eat or drink unless it’s on her own terms. Preferably, she will take from anyone else’s plate/cup other than hers. Trying to feed her anything from her own plate? Good luck. We’ve currently resorted to interesting plating techniques (such as snacks served in a muffin tin) and identical cups between Michael and Bea. Michael is a very patient big brother and generously shares his plates and snacks.

We’ve been doing “school” approximately 2-3 days a week, focusing on numbers, recitation, and motor skill development. I picked up a board game from my childhood at the thrift store: Hi Ho Cherry-O. It’s a perfect beginner counting game, and it’s become Michael’s new favorite. He asks to play it at least twice a day, if not more. I’m hoping to start doing 3-4 days a week once Jake has settled into his job.

We’re still floating in a bit of an interim time as we wait for Jake’s start date. In preparation for Jake returning to work, my main focus has been on writing, and Jake has been so supportive while I work. One morning, the kids joined me before a writing session at the coffee shop — they loved the “Party in a Cup” (whipped cream and sprinkles).

Jake then took them to the local kid science museum while I finished up a few articles that afternoon. They had an absolute blast. He’s such an amazing father. I’m so grateful for him, and for how supportive he’s been of my writing work during this interim time.

My writing focus has been articles and columns for local publications, speculative fiction short stories, and an adult fantasy novel. I’ve got multiple stories finished or in the pipeline for upcoming issues, a handful of short stories out on submission, and I recently hit 16k words in my novel (approximately 90k to go!).

Recently, I’ve found a lot of solace and satisfaction in the act of creation — specifically slow making, projects that take months or years before they’re seen by others, like quilts. Like novels. Especially this year, with the rise of AI generated plagiarized slop and stomach-turning acts of political violence everywhere you look, I’ve needed to take a step back both from content consuming and quick content creating. I’ve needed to touch grass, quite literally.

I know it’s been an ongoing theme here throughout the years: the holy and intensely human act of subcreation is something I will never tire of discussing. The proper relationship of humans with technology, specifically social media, is yet another ongoing theme.

I don’t know if I have anything new to say about either topic. But I do encourage everyone to pray, to focus on our local communities and churches, to speak out against evil when you see it, and to continue looking for the glimmers of light that pierce through darkness.

As a very visible reminder to look for the glimmers, I recently got some star-shaped window clings. Now, in the mornings and evenings, our house dances with rainbows and light. The kids giggle and roll across the prismatic colors. And I take a deep breath, and thank God for the glimmers He so generously gives that pierce through the darkness.

August somehow passed both incredibly slowly and in a flash. I’m still reeling from all that’s happened, and still hardly believe September is around the corner.

Regarding Jake’s job news, we’re still waiting on some last minute things, but his start date is hopefully in early September. We continue to ask your prayers! Thanks for being along for the ride with us. It’s been a very interesting season: so much unknown, so much “hurry up and wait”. It’s been an emotional and spiritual workout, learning to embrace the discomfort of this transitional season. We’re exhausted, yet also restless. But God is good — so, so good — and continues to show us His love through our communal and church support.

When Jake begins his job in September, it’s going to be a big shift for our family. We’ve loved having him home with us all the time, despite the circumstances that led to it. With this new job, he will be doing a lot more travel. I’m very grateful I have such a fantastic family and community — their help will make the transition much easier for us. But, to prepare for the inevitable routine disruption Jake being gone will cause for the kids, I’ve been working on developing rhythms that can carry us through it. For the daily rhythms: morning prayers, read aloud snuggles on our bed, music time, and walks and outdoor time when weather permits. For the weekly rhythms: special crafts and recipes, scheduled play dates, and library and museum visits.

Speaking of rhythms and routine, Michael has been begging to “do school”, so I’ve been putting together a very low-key preschool plan for him, cobbling together my favorite bits of different curriculum I have. We had a fun mom-and-son day out to get some supplies, like a pencil box and decorations, and he loved covering it with the stickers he picked out (and I made one for Beatrice too, so she wouldn’t feel left out).

We had our “first day” recently, which wasn’t as chaotic as I feared. Beatrice was incredibly clingy (of course), but we still managed to do prayers, recitations, fine motor skills practice, and number/letter practice throughout the morning. And only a little blood was shed! (He got my finger during scissor practice by mistake as I was helping adjust his grip). Also, he insisted on calling me “Teacher Mama”, which both melted my heart and made me laugh.

I’m not taking a super structured approach — just trying to follow his interests and foster a love of learning. It’ll be a perfect addition to our bimonthly Orthodox homeschool co-op.

Beatrice’s language skills have exploded: she quite clearly asks for what she wants, whether it’s a banana, her pacifier, a baby doll, a hat, or one of her other favorite things. She does still resort to an earsplitting shriek when she feels we aren’t listening — I admit, I’m looking forward to her outgrowing that. She has developed a tendency to look straight at you and say “bye bye” when you’re doing something she doesn’t like, or when you’re trying to stop her from doing something she wants to do.

She and Michael continue to be both the best of friends and the worst of enemies. They play together very well for short periods of time, and they often snuggle/hug/kiss each other out of the blue. It’s quite adorable to watch and makes my mama heart full. Don’t let the pictures fool you, though: we deal with our fair share of screaming/sibling spats.

Mid month, we took a day trip to the mountains with my cousins and family and played in and along the lake. Michael had his first fishing experience and was very excited about it even though they didn’t catch anything. Both kids adored playing in the water and on the boat. It was a beautiful, marvelous time.

My brother was able to come too, and we had a lot of fun watching him and my cousins wake-surf. Michael and Bea both loved bobbing in the lake with their life jackets too. That was my favorite part, personally — swimming in the lake at sunset.

I relocated my huge pothos plant from our bedroom to the living room, and entwined it around our gallery wall. It definitely prefers the sunshine it’s getting in our living room. This plant is so dear to me: I bought it when Jake and I moved into our first apartment six and a half years ago.

In making news, I finally finished piecing the quilt top. I’ve been working on for over a year. It’s nowhere near perfect: in fact, after finishing it, I found three squares I messed up that should be flipped 180°… but I’m saying that gives it character. Now I’m working on hand-quilting it in the evenings, which is my favorite part. It’s very meditative and just what I need right now.

I haven’t had the mental bandwidth to do much knitting or spinning. Most of my energy is being taken up with parenting, writing, and the preparation for Jake’s new job. But as our weather finally cools, I’m hoping I’ll get back into it and cast on a new project or two.

My writing also continues: I’ll have more articles to share shortly, and I have some more short stories out on submission — we’ll see if any get accepted. I’ve found a local coffee shop I adore, and I’ve been spending an hour or two there some mornings to really focus when I have a deadline to meet. When I can’t make it there, I write at my desk with my noise cancelling headphones in.

I’m finding that relying on daily and weekly rhythms isn’t just good for the kids: it’s good for me too. I’m penciling them in wherever I can — writing, physical activity, cleaning, reading, making; staying off my phone, knowing these routines will carry me through the next set of life’s waves.

Life feels like a stormy sea with all the recent and upcoming changes. But Christ is in the boat with us, and Christ will calm the storm.

I know it’s been a while since I’ve last written, and mostly I’ve been holding off until I could share the good news: Jake has an official job offer! We are elated and grateful. We’re waiting on a few more things before we share the details, but he loves the company and the people he’ll be working with, and he’s excited about what he’ll be doing. It will involve a bit of travel, so we continue to ask your prayers as we get ready to adjust to it all!

And, in writing news, I have another article published in HERLIFE magazine’s August issue. You can read it here. I really enjoyed speaking to these winemakers and learning more about their artistic process — it was such a pleasure!

We celebrated Jake’s job offer in style (steak and champagne). It felt good to rejoice together over something after so many months of navigating the unknown.

And — more to celebrate! My grandparents had their 60th wedding anniversary at the beginning of August. They had a party to mark the momentous milestone of a Diamond anniversary. It was a beautiful event full of music and laughter — so many people showed up to show their support. Their steadfast example of love and sacrifice blesses everyone around them, and the celebration was a testament to that.

Michael is a joy, with hilarious one-liners and profound thoughts that come from the most random moments. It’s a such delight to be his mom. He is finally successfully weaned from using his pacifier at night, too. We got him a weighted dino plushy as a replacement comfort item, and Michael promptly named him “Twinkle” and loves him. He’s also beginning to show great interest in numbers: we have a game where I hold up fingers on one hand, then fingers on the other, and he counts them separately then together: “two on this hand, and two on this hand, and one-two-three-four on both!” It’s a way I’ve snuck in some basic addition skills.

Some recent quotes:

Jake: You’re not as light as you used to be.

Michael: That’s because I’m standing in the shade!

Michael: I’m gonna play at Grandma and Grandpa’s today for SIX MINUTES!! (His go-to “biggest” number is 6)

We were listening to the theological podcast Lord of Spirits….Michael picks up on the best part…

“Mom, we’re on the ROAD to HELL??”

As Jake works on getting Bea down for a nap:

Michael: Mama, does dad need help? I think he needs your help.

And as the screaming continues…

Michael: “….maybe you need THREE people…”

When we introduced him to VeggieTales for the first time a few weeks ago:

“Wait…fruit doesn’t have EYES…”

And, my little 3 year old introvert, after a very busy weekend:

“I want to stay in my house forever”

Beatrice continues to be a force to be reckoned with: she holds her own against her brother and is absolutely fearless. She’s taken to climbing everything she can, including ladders and kitchen tables. Her favorite thing to do is play with shoes (and hide them around the house). No one can make her giggle like her big brother does. Her verbal skills have exploded recently too: words now include: shoes, hat, ball, no, yeah, grandma, grandpa, juice, kitty, and more.

My brother is home for a little bit before he begins graduate school for his PhD — it’s been so great for the kids to have extra time with Uncle Jon (and I love it too). Michael especially loves telling his godfather alllllllll about each and every one of his trains.

I got my knitting mojo back recently after falling into a bit of a slump. I made two different hats for babies at church, and I’m still working on a handful of my languishing WIPs during the quiet evenings. Writing takes a lot of creative energy, so I haven’t had as much bandwidth for other crafts.

I’ve been doing a lot of writing — both speculative fiction and articles/journalism — and it’s been lovely. I really enjoy working with words, and rediscovering my passion for writing in the midst of a rather stressful time has been rejuvenating. I’m trying to find the balance between mothering and making, and how my writing fits into both.

One of the best things writing has been teaching me recently is delayed gratification. In the age of being able to share everything with the internet in the blink of an eye, making things (whether knitted or spun or sewn or written) is counter cultural. Making takes time, as all good things do. When I make things with yarn I can share pretty pictures of each step, but it’s a bit different with writing.

When I write something, I have to return to edit and polish it (sometimes multiple times). Then I have to wait for its publication before sharing. Many of the things I’m working on right now won’t be shared with the general public for a few months.

So, I’m constantly learning to sit with the quiet slowness of the making process. It’s a lesson that’s been super applicable to every area of our lives right now, specifically in the job search process and parenting. Sometimes, things are quiet and slow, or there isn’t much visible progress. But growth is often quiet, and in tiny increments that can’t be seen with our eyes.

So glory to God for growth, however small, and glory to God for His goodness in both times of trials and celebrations.

July has been warm and beautiful and busy. One of the articles I wrote in June was published: you can read about it in HerLife Magazine Central Valley’s July issue. I have a few more upcoming that I’ll be sure to link and share for anyone interested.

Jake has had a few interviews and currently some hopeful leads, but nothing definitive as of yet. We appreciate your continuing prayers as we keep moving forward in faith.

We had a quiet but fun 4th of July. Our local fireworks were cancelled due to the tragic warehouse explosion in NorCal that occurred a few days prior, but we enjoyed BBQ, sparklers, ice cream, and confetti with family and friends.

Jake and I celebrated our 6th anniversary on July 6th. It was a simple celebration: we went out to dinner at our favorite local restaurant. But even the simplest things feel special when I get to do them with him. He makes me a better person, he’s the best husband and father I could’ve ever asked for, and he continues to be the greatest blessing I’ve ever received.

Goodness, I love him so.

We had an impromptu trip to SoCal to see Jake’s oldest niece and nephew, who were in the state visiting (Sorry to all my beloved SoCal friends who I didn’t tell/didn’t get to visit — next time, I promise!). It was a very, very quick turnaround, but we were so happy to spend whatever precious time we could with family that we rarely get to see.

The kids had a lot of fun with their cousins and celebrating the 4th, and now we’re settling into our daily routine again. Jake takes the kids in the early morning so I can sleep in a little (Beatrice is still awake at least three times a night, and we’re still slowly, slowly working on weaning). I take them for the mid-morning and afternoon while he works in his office, then I have an hour or two to write at my desk before we all have dinner together and begin the bedtime routine.

Screen time has increased a little but so has outdoor time and independent play, so I consider it an okay trade for now. They’re actually starting to learn how to play together instead of each taking turns infuriating the other. I’m hopeful that soon we’ll be spending less time separating them and have a moment’s peace during the day.

Despite toddler sibling squabbles, they’re the most wonderful kids. Michael has found a new fascination with trains — specifically Thomas the Tank Engine — and my mom has been enabling him by sporadically ordering him more engines to play with whenever they pop up at a reasonable price. He loves going to the thrift store with me to find “treasures” like a jumbo checker board or books. He loves singing, often at the top of his lungs. If he could ride his bike or swim all day, he would: they’re his two favorite activities.

Beatrice continues to grow quickly: she loves pointing out body parts, dancing to music, wearing any shoes she stumbles across, and drinking from any cup except her own. She has FOMO (fear of missing out) just like her brother, and wants to go everywhere and do everything he does. She also loves swimming and playing in the water. Sleep interferes with her grand plans to take over the world and is the enemy, and she treats it as such.

I’m grateful for our garden and its bounties in this season: drip irrigation has been a game changer. Our veggies are growing happily, and I’m swimming in a sea of tomatoes. I’m still not a dutiful enough gardener: all of my herbs have bolted and gone to seed in the summer sun, but at least they’re beautiful and drawing pollinators to my vegetables. The weeds are also atrocious — I will be fighting crab grass both awake and in my dreams til I die.

My making continues to take a back seat to life’s current demands. However, I knit a small, light head/neck scarf on the drive down to SoCal from leftover handspun. I made some progress on a pair of socks I’ve been knitting for an embarrassing amount of time. I’m also making another bonnet for a sweet baby at our church.

When my brain is absolutely dead in the evenings I’ve been slowly working on the same counted cross stitch embroidery piece while Jake and I watch our podcasts/shows together. And I have hopes of catching up on my Goodreads reading goal for 2025: 55 books, even though I’m currently 6 books behind.

I finished The Listeners by Maggie Stiefvater (beautifully atmospheric and intriguing) and On Tyranny by Timothy Snyder (powerful and convicting). I’m working through Lois McMaster Bujold’s Sharing Knife series (I love her way with words, especially dialogue) and chipping away at a collection of Simone Weil’s essays and letters.

I’ve found that I’ve had to prioritize reading if I want my writing process to go more smoothly. It makes sense if you think about it: words in, words out. Being surrounded by words and intentionally taking time to absorb them in multiple forms. Letting thoughts and phrases and adverbs and punctuation flow through you — then finally from you and your pen, changed and uniquely your own. For a writer, it’s as important as stretching and conditioning for an athlete.

For that reason, I cherish both my reading and my writing time. It’s been good to build the habits back up. It’s nice to have a small side income through my articles in this season of our lives, but I’m also slowly drafting short stories and longer form fiction in the few precious hours I have.

I’ve been struggling with feeling like I can’t do anything in the face of all that’s wrong with the world right now. I can’t magically get Jake a new job, I can’t fix the anger and pain and injustice ravaging our nation; I can’t stop wars.

But I can write.

It may not be much. It might never be published or seen by another person. But the act of writing changes me, and that’s where it begins. Each word is work I put towards a better tomorrow, and a better me.

The world feels heavy lately. We have our personal stress and work: Jake continues on the job search in a difficult market, I continue to write for local magazines and online markets, and we both continue to maintain the homestead as best we can. But we’re very well taken care of by our community and we’re doing quite well all things considered. The heaviness comes from outside. I’ve caught myself doomscrolling more often than I’d like, drawn in by the tragedies and chaos that’s happening all over the world. Angered and grieved by the injustices; frightened by the “what ifs”. And there’s so many of both.

There are very real evils happening all around us. When we see them, we must call them by their name. But I’ve also been feeling convicted: it’s not my job to solve all the world’s problems. I can’t fight every wrong and address every injury. Our internet-connected world sometimes makes it feel like we must attend to it all, but obviously that gets overwhelming and can lead to despair.

So what is my job? What is my duty?

To serve God, love my family, and mend whatever lies within my ability to mend.

And that’s what I will be focusing on, primarily. I’m dragging my attention back to my own little Shire and the souls that live within it, and protecting it with all my heart.

So here’s what’s been happening in our little Shire.

Our sweet Bea had her name’s day for St Margaret of Scotland on June 10th. We celebrated it simply, enjoying some strawberry cake and singing to her. I felt a bit guilty it was so simple, but I’m trying to be gentle with myself and accept that I have less bandwidth in this season of life.

Partially, I have less bandwidth because Beatrice is going through some sort of sleep regression. She’s started fighting all naps and bedtime with a vengeance (sometimes for 90 minutes or more) and waking several times at night. We’re also trying to wean, which doesn’t help matters. I am surviving purely off of coffee, matcha, and naps courtesy of my amazing husband and family.

In the mornings, I’ve been prioritizing quiet, screen-free time while we listen to a Spotify playlist I made of kids’ folk songs or CDs of classical music. Here’s my playlist for anyone interested. CD wise, we’ve been listening to Mozart, Tchaikovsky, and various “classics for kids”. 

I spent a few days reorganizing, cleaning, and rearranging all the toys in the kids’ room and living room, and now they’re spending a lot more time playing. I can’t recommend toy rotations enough: suddenly everything becomes new and exciting again.

We’ve been spending less time in front of screens all in all, and I’ve noticed much nicer play between the kids. It’s still difficult, given their age gap and current development stages, but I’ve still noticed a difference. I’ve found setting up simple activities — trains or magnatiles for Michael, wooden stackers or animals for Bea — can give me a solid few minutes of independent play and peace so I can finish my coffee.

During Beatrice’s naptime, Michael and I have been doing more crafts and reading books together. We read a lot of smaller books, and try to do a chapter of Charlotte’s Web at least once a week. He really enjoys tracing letters with his dot paint pens and following pattern cards with the wooden blocks and dowels. We’re slowly working on recognizing letters and numbers, too.

Michael got a haircut that really transformed him from toddler to little boy. It’s made his adorable and insane cowlicks much more manageable — but also, my heart still aches a little as I see him looking so grown up.

Speaking of being so grown up, Michael learned to ride a bike this past week. He’s been excelling on his balance bike for quite a while, and my parents bought him a “real bike with pedals”. It only took him an hour of practice, and he was riding up and down the street with Jake jogging alongside. Now they go on daily bike rides together up and down our street or around the block.

We did the calculations: since he learned how to ride his new bike he’s already ridden almost 20 miles. He’s unstoppable.

I’ve had less time and energy for my crafting lately — I’ve been doing more writing, which is good and wonderful work, but time consuming. However, during the evenings when I’m not writing, I’ve continued working on a cross stitch embroidery piece and finished spinning up a skein of vibrant hand-spun yarn.

Michael helped me wind it from the bobbins to my swift, and then wanted to take a picture with it. I couldn’t say no to those eyes.

I’m also finishing knitting a pair of socks for Jake (his belated Father’s Day gift) and knitting a light summer scarf out of leftover handspun.

Even though the world outside our garden gate is dark and full of the unknown, I’ve been working hard to cultivate peace within these walls. I’ve had two different quotes bouncing around in my head lately as I navigate parenting currently. First is the one this post is named after:

I do not believe this darkness will endure.

J.R.R. Tolkien

I think that one might be self-explanatory, but in case not: I’m holding onto the fact that “in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach”. No matter the difficulties of this season, in our personal lives and world-wide, this darkness won’t endure. It never does.

And the other quote is this one:

The world is rated R, and no one is checking IDs. Do not try to make it G by imagining the shadows away. Do not try to hide your children from the world forever, but do not try to pretend there is no danger. Train them. Give them sharp eyes and bellies full of laughter. Make them dangerous. Make them yeast, and when they’ve grown, they will pollute the shadows.

N.D. Wilson

This quote reminds me to persevere in making our home a greenhouse of light and laughter; of love and warmth. I am beyond privileged to shape the childhood of my two babies — and as they grow, may they carry that light and laughter and love and warmth out into the world with them.

Thanks for staying with me through this slightly disjointed, tired post. I hope a bit of the light I try to preserve in our home makes its way to you, too, through my words.